Trust is easily eroded in relationships. Of course big ticket betrayals such as affairs or not showing up when you’re partner goes through a major illness can cause tremendous breaches of the trust between partners. But more mundane, everyday events can erode trust as well. Events such as staying out late and not calling to say where you are or with whom, or failing to show up to a birthday party for one of your children after promising to not forget. Are we aware of how we decrease the sense of trust in our relationships, and what can we do to repair those instances in which trust is impacted?
In this episode, John and fellow relationship therapist Morgan Johnson, a.k.a. “MoJo” discuss how to repair trust that has been breached and eroded by these types of events. Left unrepaired, a sense of betrayal is like poison in a relationship–your partner begins to assume he or she can not depend on you. As we lessen our expectations for our partner’s support, the relationship slowly loses it’s purpose and meaning.
You’ll learn a bunch of techniques you can add to your relationship toolbox to help you repair trust and recover from these “relational norm violations.” With these tips, you can become more trusting and comfortable with your partner and experience more peace in your relationship.
Morgan Johnson, a.k.a. “MoJo,” has a Masters in Counseling and focuses on healthy relationships. You’ll have to listen to the show to hear the story about her nickname! She received her BA in Psychology from Wake Forest University (2010), and completed her Masters at St. Edward’s University (2013). Morgan brings a warm, engaging energy to her work. She is trained in Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) and Gottman Method Couples Therapy with a focus on intimacy and building trust between partners. Clients appreciate her inviting, experiential style of helping couples discover new possibilities.
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“Partners respond so much better when we just frame things as a need instead of a criticism. The words ‘I need’ can really shift how your partner responds to things; it makes it feel more positive.” – Morgan Johnson
- Common ways trust can be eroded on a daily basis
- How to discuss a breach of trust with your partner without making them feel defensive
- When it’s time to get professional help
- Why it’s important to take care of the big hurts first
- How apologies are more about validation than admission of guilt
- How trust issues in a relationship can provide excellent opportunities to heal wounds from the past
- Use self care to metabolize shame and guilt when recovering from a breach of trust
“When we apologize to someone, we’re not necessarily saying that we agree with everything that they’re saying or how they experience something. What we’re saying is ‘I care’.” – John Howard
- Connect with MoJo and read her blog at www.HeartAndScience.net
“Things that are unfinished go to the very top of our cognitive load. So if you are unsure about something – you don’t have the answer to something – it’s unfinished, your brain is going to naturally take you back to that.” – Morgan Johnson