Every relationship is a continuous cycle of connection, disconnection, and re-connection. While fights and disagreements are normal in healthy relationships, without proper resolution, these misattunements can stack up and increasingly cause romantic partners to feel hopeless about the future of the relationship. Luckily, relationship science is here to help!
In this episode, my guest Morgan Johnson, a.k.a., ‘Mojo,’ and I discuss the best practices for engaging in relational repair with your partner. We talk about why relational repair is needed, how to begin the process of repair, and how to communicate with your partner in a way that is very effective for resolving disputes.
At the end of the episode, you’ll understand how disconnection in relationship is actually an opportunity to deepen love and intimacy between the partners. And, you’ll learn how you can identify these opportunities and what you can do to maximize their positive impact, while mitigating the negative effects almost entirely.
Morgan Johnson, a.k.a. “MoJo,” has a Masters in Counseling and focuses on healthy relationships. She received her BA in Psychology from Wake Forest University and completed her Masters in Counseling at St. Edward’s University. She brings a warm, engaging energy to her work. She is trained in Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) and Gottman Method Couples Therapy with a focus on intimacy and building trust between partners.
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“If you are noticing that when you try to make a repair it’s just not sticking, even when you’re doing all the steps right, it can be a sign that there is something unprocessed and unresolved that goes back to previous relationships or back to that original relationship with your primary caregivers. We can’t heal what we didn’t hurt!” – Morgan Johnson
- What relational repair is and when you should do it
- Why repairs need to be done ASAP after feelings are hurt
- What it feels like to be in a relationship in need of repair
- The most effective relational repairs
- The gift of “of course!”
- Why irrational emotions need to be respected
- Relationship repair examples
“We need these misattunements, these moments of disconnection so that there’s an opportunity to deepen understanding and deepen love.” – John Howard
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- Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson
- Aftermath of a Fight by The Gottman Institute
- The Infidelity Resource Guide by Esther Perel
- Why Won’t You Apologize? by Harriet Lerner PhD
- Learn about the Zeigarnik effect
- Connect with Morgan Johnson:
“When we get hurt in relationship we all get a little bit irrational. What’s most important is that we all feel our partner cares for us. And so to not make this mistake, we have to see the value of being very present with emotions even when they don’t make sense; letting them run their course and letting that energy express itself so that at some point later, we can talk with our thinking caps on.” – John Howard